Friday, August 25, 2006

so much has been happening to me tis past few days i dont know wher to begin.
been cryin much these days for different reasons.
cried on wed nite abt vb. i wont talk abt it cuz tats not wads stil making me cry.

im losing my grandma.
i regret not spending more time with her, not eating the food she cooked cuz i din lke it.
even if i want to eat it now, i wont get to, and definitely not in the future too.
in e past, i hardly call her to ask if she's doing fine.
i haven give her money from my 1st paycheck yet.
i haven brought my boyfriend home to show her yet.
i only realise how much i love her when im abt to lose her.
im such a lousy granddaughter.
its cancer. doc says she may not last 6 mths.
i dont wana lose her.


my mum called me ytd morn to tel me this, i was so affected, i wen to the toilet to cry after receiving the call. cried when pearl hugged me ytd. i saw how my grandma had difficulty eating today, then my uncle was telling her to fight, whereas she looked resigned to accept her fate, i couldnt control it. wen to the toilet to cry agn. alone. i msged pj on e bus abt it. surprsingly, jules msged me to b strong instead. i din expect pj to tel jules but im glad, knowing that she's there 4 me. i kp crying when i tink abt the days without my grandma. i dont even have a photo of her in my hp. as i heard her talk to my family today, i realised tat i may not get to hear tis familiar voice ever agn n i wana cry. i really cant bear to lose her.
i only hope that she can pass her bdae in nov tis yr.

is there anyway to stop the tears from flowing.