Monday, September 04, 2006

i have so much stuff to blog abt. my arm, ocip and my grandma.

My arm.
i injured my arm. it was on family3 day, 2nd sept. 4plus, we were playin vb in e hall. it was lke pure bad luck, cuz b4 joinin e gals to play, i stil told them to move away cuz there was a puddle of water at e side of e hall. after tat, we played halfway. the ball rolled to e side of e hall n i ran after it. wanting to kick it back, i slipped on e water instead and flew. ya. my left thigh cum hip landed 1st, followed by my left elbow and head. the pain was lke killing me. n the worst thing was, while i was lying there in pain, i heard them LAUGHING OUT LOUD. i know its not their fault, but the feeling still sucked. i know if it was me, yea my 1st rxn wud b to laugh too, cuz no one wud hav tot tat it was a real accident. so yea. went to sgh for x ray. no fractures at this moment, but e doc said there may b some other kind of fractures tat will appear only 2-3 wks later. so i'l have to do a follow-up appointment. now, i cant bend or straighten fully cuz it hurts. i cant even tie my own hair for goodness sake. -_-
well i did pray to Him above, to take away my grandma's pains and let me suffer in her place instead. so if this is His way of letting me suffer for my grandma, i m more than willing to, so long as my grandma can pass this ordeal.

OCIP.
today was like a orientation camp, we got to know our committee members and other com members and the exco was elected. i ran for exco, hoping to be the student ic or assistant ic. 7 nominees all in all. i wasnt elected. i've got to admit tat i was disappointed. definitely. it was sth i really looked forward to. it was my 1st time making a speech, to get ppl to vote for me. it was a truly great experience for me. i knew my chances of getting this 2 posts were low, cuz, Mr Lim let us organize bonding games, which at the same time gave the whole team of 45 a chance to know us beta, to see how we work. it was during tat show period of time i realised tat, when u have too many leaders trying to lead, things bcum a mess. ppl were lke fighting to have a say, to oversee everything, to explain everything, to do everything. u know they jus totally rob ur chance of trying to do sth to show ur capabilities. so, i'l say tats the unfair part. lke within 1 hr plus 2 hrs, u have to choose ur student ics. but i stil thank God for letting me be part of exco, as Finance Head.

My grandma.
i think she's losing her will to fight. i dont know. we went to her hse after dinner. in her rm, she started to take out a bag of jewellery and said they were for my mum, my dad, even a piece each of my sis and i. she wanted us to take it. of cuz we din want it. her doing such a thing, let me think tat she's losing her will to fight. we refused to take it and she started to take my bag so she can put the jewellery in. i took my bag from her but she came for it, even fighting with me for it. i held on, shaking my head and i cudnt hold back the tears. i was jus on the floor, my grandma standing infront of me, and i was begging her not to do it. she was still so strong, she fought with me for my bag. after tat she sat back on her bed while i just sat there crying, my dad sitting at one side and my sis looking on helplessly. grandma told me to not cry, that she wont die. after tat my aunt came in and told us to just let my grandma do want she wants so that she can put her mind to rest and not worry abt such matters. my grandma told my sis to pass her my bag. my sis did it. after tat i removed my bag from her lap. i told her not to give up, she had the strength to fight for the bag with me, she must get well. she was crying too, but she was holding them back and she said she will. She wants her children and grandchildren too, thats why she's gg to see diff docs. i really dont know if she's saying that to reassure us but she has already given up, or she really stil has the will to fight on. she said that she din dote on the few of us in vain, those that she had looked after more or those she was close to. im glad tat she knows im crying for her, that im sad too. cuz i've nv once told her i loved her or hugged her, and from the events tonite, i believe she noes tat i care and love her. so i know i wun regret it in future if she passes on without me ever expressing my love for her. much later, my aunt said to me that she wudnt noe wad to do if her mum died. she'l b so lost. that goes for me too.

i need a path of hope towards a miracle for my grandma.